It goes both ways

It's been five days since I've written the post about my relationship. I absolutely felt everything I wrote. Five days have past. Five. And what change do I see? It's my ridiculous attempt to be faithful. It is the absolute lack of progress in our relationship. Is the fact that we haven't had sex in what seems like an eternity. How can I satisfy my needs if he won't/is unwilling? (And if you need to ask about my sex drive or how often I need it, you haven't been reading). Is being a good man enough? I'm not sure. We made it this long but how much longer can it last? How much longer do I want it to last? lets face some reality here, I am obviously not getting what I need at home. And the scary part is that if we didn't live together I could get it more often than I do but sometimes I just can't. I really don't know. I'm at a crossroads here. A relationship with a friend that lacks intimacy or a series of relationships that lack friendship but are very physical. I feel so jaded that I don't know that I could ever have another successful relationship. I'm not sure which way I am going to go with this. I think I have to let some time pass cause I have run the gamut in terms of emotions this week and I owe it to myself and him to be clear-headed about whatever it is I decide to do.

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Editor's Note, WC: I have not edited this post since I wrote it either. This post was written five days after my epiphany or meltdown if you prefer.

An epiphany

An epiphany. Really. I just have been so distracted recently. So lost in meaningless sex. All about getting off that I really forgot to look at the how and the why of where I am. I have this great relationship with a good man. He cares for me, honors me, loves me. He's good too. He's not hitting up manhunt, craigslist, adam4adam or any of the other places I find tricks. Is that not enough for me? Why don't I spend the time I use looking for and having sex and invest it in my relationship. I'm not sure. Do I really need to fuck it up before I realize what I have. Do I need to lose it to appreciate it. I don't think I can handle that so why do I jeopardize it. Am I really the person who has been doing all of this. I am because I've been doing it, but the truth is, it is not really me. It's some person I don't even recognize. I've always been able to get laid. I chose not to partake in it. Not because I didn't want a lot of sex nor was I a prude. I always wanted more than the moment. The moment always ends and you end up chasing the past or the next thrill. I am not sure how I forgot this or what made me remember it. Was it thinking of my first love who wasted his life being a punk. Was it the last trick, who reminded me of all the craziness that was my first love. I'm not sure but I'm tired. I'm tired of being a hedonist. I'm tired of pretending that things don't matter. I'm tired of pretending I care about the faceless, nameless tricks. I'm done treating sex like a handshake. I'm beat up. I'm bloodied. I'm taking a break. I've been celibate since the day I wrote this post. So you know, I am writing this on March 31, 2009. You are just seeing it now as I had to catch you up on all the tricks that I had not yet written about. It also allowed me time to live it and see if I would succeed or fail. So I write this in a state that is not desirable yet full of hope. Hope that by the time I post it I will have figured out the how and the why. That the blood will be wiped away. The scabs will be healing. I will be the real me again. The thoughtful, kind, loving, committed man I once was or am I doomed to being a slut.

He ain't hot enough for this shit

Hot Chocolate has been texting me like crazy. He wants my cock up his ass again in a bad way. There is something about him that draws you in at the same time he has this narcissistic, self-destructive side. I don't know what it is but he drives me crazy in a good way, IE that I want to fuck him good and shoot a load in his ass and in a bad way that makes me want to smack the bitch around. We make plans to meet up after work. I tell him I can leave early and get there between 4:00 and 4:30 and stay for a couple of hours. He texts me the rest of the day to see if I can get up there any earlier. I can't but when I leave I text him. No response back. I head out that way. I get to his place and no one answers the door. I call and text him, no response. I'm pissed. I leave and lay into this bitch about where he is. He finally responds back that he's free. Fuck that shit. I lay into him about blowing me off and this is the fourth time and I'm done with his bullshit. His response is bullshit cause he acts like he doesn't know what I'm talking about or care what I'm pissed. He just wants to fuck and fuck now. Needless to say, the cum sucking gutter slut didn't get one from me cause I told him I'd be right over and never showed. Now he's sending me nasty texts. Fuck him. Serves him right. I don't know why this bothered me so much but I am SO angry right now but it's not about him really. It's bringing back a lot of old memories of my ex and his drug problem and all the shit we went through.

He's a hot mess but a good fuck

Hot Chocolate and I made plans to meet in the morning. He texted me the address so I hit him up the next day and confirm. I get over to the place and it is a super creepy, decrepit house. I knock on the door and some crazy person answers. Sort of answers, through the door chain, which I might add would take a quick kick and the door might fall off its hinges. He's not here. Don't know him. I'm pissed. I text him. No response. I call, voice mail. I text again, no response. I leave. He finally gets back to me and says he went to Walgreens and to come back. He makes up some lame excuse about fucking up the address but it's next door. Reluctantly, I head back. I demand that he meet me outside and he bitches about getting dressed but he does. I'm really having second thoughts about this kid. Too much BS. He walks me up and he shows me the place. Ends up it is his exes place. After the tour, he gets down on his knees, takes out my cock and starts blowing me. Once I get hard, he asks how much time I have. I tell him not that much anymore, have to get to work. He goes over the bed, pulls off his shorts and lubes up my cock with elbow grease. Puts some on his hole and gets on all fours with his ass on the edge of the bed. Standing there, I line up my cock and penetrate his hole. His ass is so tight. I'm surprised. Maybe he was being straight about being mostly a top. I am rock hard and still pissed at this bitch so I push all in. One quick stroke. Fuck him, he's going take it like the slut he is. I just start pounding his ass. Giving it to him good and hard. He's moaning like a little girl, pushing his face into the pillow he grabbed. I love watching him take it. Seeing my white cock, ripping open his dark hole. I keep pounding away and it feels good. I'm getting off on his moans, pillow bites and fist clenching of the bed. I hold off for as long as I could, got in a good 20 minutes before I shoot my load deep up his ass. I fuck him after I cum, softly and pull out. He tells me that he can tell I like to fuck. Duh. I've been in him twice now and he watched me blow my load in his fuck bud. He tells me to text him again to fuck. As the title says, he's a hot mess but a good fuck.

Hot Chocolate from the 3 way

After the hot scene with Hot Chocolate and bandanna boy, I head home. I get a text from Hot Chocolate saying that it was hot and did I want to meet up later. I got back at him cause I knew I wanted to fuck that ass for longer than I was able to, hopefully I could get out of the house. He said he would text me on his way home. It's about 6:30 and he says he'll be home in about one hour. Not a problem. The bf went to see some family so I should be able to do this. He keeps texting me, updating me on when he'll be home or some excuse for why he'll be late. Then for a ride, etc. Finally at about 10:00 pm, he says he made it home and apologized for falling asleep on the train. I'm not so sure about this guy. I think he may have been hitting the pipe. But he's hot and I really want his ass, so I'm going to give it another go. I let know that I can't anymore but make plans for the morning.

Crazy 3 way

I left off last time with me leaving the through the Latin kids window. The other guy that I was chatting with and put off until later was this black guy. His profile was all about how him and his boyfriend, that they love each other but like to fuck around with other dudes. That's cool, whatever works for you. I finish up with the Latin dude and text him cause we're supposed to meet up in a few hours. I don't get a response back and I figure he found someone more immediate. Well, later that afternoon I get a text that I played him. I was like dude you didn't get back to me. But the long and short is that he asks me to come over and I am already out and about so I say sure. I get there and head up to his place. M is a dark, skinny, sexy black dude, his skin is the color of hot chocolate. He's 25, 5'11, 165, nice body and a huge, pierced dick. He answers the door wearing a pair of shorts. Nice body. He invites me in and I go into what should be a bedroom but is the TV room. I go in and the other guy is laying on the couch, naked wearing a bandanna around his eyes. And right in the middle of the table is a huge can of Crisco. I'm doubting that this is his "boyfriend" but am game as the other dude is cute, 30 something, brown hair and a hot bod. I get naked and sit on the couch, next to bandanna boy, who starts stroking my cock. While this is going on hot chocolate greases up his dick with Crisco. Hot Chocolate gets his huge dick up and starts to fuck bandanna boy raw. I watch and decide to get involved so I grease up my cock and start and start stroking. I get hard pretty fast and am looking forward to fucking hot chocolate. I enter him raw while he's fucking bandanna boy from behind. I'm in him but it's kinda hard to keep a good rhythm going as the positioning is just a bit off. Eventually, I stop fucking hot chocolate, even though I want to push him to side and ram his little ass. Hot chocolate keeps fucking bandanna boy but eventually pulls out cause he lost his hard on. He nods at me and moves over to have bandanna boy suck his dick. I start fucking bandanna boy. I just start banging him pretty hard while I alternate between watching me bareback him and him sucking that big black cock. I end up shooting my load deep in him, not asking if it was OK but telling him that I am shooting as I do. I pull out and Hot Chocolate moves over and is stroking his cock near bandanna boys ass. He keeps stroking and then jams his big cock with the piercing in his ass and unloads. He pulls out, shows me the bathroom and I take off.

Cum through my window

We were having this very snowy morning a bit back and I woke up in amazement to the heavy, wet snow. I woke up early and was horny as hell. I had a couple of different threads going so I had my pick. Did I want the three way that was a bit far or the oral session with a twink that lived close by. I chose the oral session with the twink and the three way but pushed that off to later in the day, another post to look forward to. So I head over in the crappy conditions. When I get to his place, I call him per his instructions. He tells me to come to his window, he'll open it and for me to come in. WTF??? His mom is home and sleeping so I can't come in any other way. This is f'd up but hot. Sneaking in his bedroom window to fuck around while his mom snores away down the hall. The possibilities are kooky and I like funky shit. I get to his place and head up the stairs to his window and he's waiting for me, He's a cute Latin kid, about 5'10, 175, a little pudge but in the baby fat way. The kinda look you can only get away with when you are his age. So I crawl through the window into his room. He's wearing boxers and a t-shirt so I start undressing. I get down to my briefs and we start kissing. He's a pretty good kisser and I'm loving his pierced tongue. We have a heavy make-out session, groping included. I can tell he has a nice cock, thick. We eventually get naked and he starts giving me head. He's good. Plus he is making sure his piercing hits all the right spots so I get a little extra sensation. He comes back up and starts kissing again. Now I start giving him head. His cock is 7 inches by 6 inches. A nice length but a monster in girth. I really have to open my mouth up to take his in and do it justice, ie no teeth. But I'm up for the challenge. What a cock whore I am. I blow him for a bit playing with his foreskin, taking as much as I can of his hog. He wants to 69 so he starts on top of me sucking. I suggest to do it side by side cause it seems to work better. We do for a bit. I finger his ass and he moves my hand away and says I'm a top. I was going to try for more but I can deal with some good head. We go at it for a bit and I end up getting up and stand at the side of the bed. I pull him to the side and start fucking his mouth while I stand there. Using it as my cum hole. I eventually shoot a nice load down it and he's only too eager to lick it all up. After I cum I get on down and really start sucking his dick. There's no gentle sucking going on. I am sucking on it like my life depending on it. I'm giving it my all and he's bucking back. My saliva is all over the place but I don't care I want his cock and I want it bad. He gets ready to cum and shoots his load on his stomach. We wipe him off, kiss a bit more and it's back out the window. I don't think Melissa Ethridge quite meant this when she wrote Come to My Window but it's fucking hot. Oh yeah, and mom slept like a baby while her son showed himself to be a cum slut.

A forgettable fuck

It was more than just forgettable, I did forget all about it. I met up with this guy before Lewis. I was horny and his pics were good. He was 32, 6'1, 190 brown and brown. He said he was Latin but I swear he was more Eastern European than anything. I take the train to his place. First red flag is a run into someone I know while getting off the train. Not something that is so easy to explain what I am doing there in the middle of the day but I bullshit around it. Second red flag is that it's raining and I don't have any umbrella. Nothing new about that but who wants to be all wet before the trick happens. It was pretty perfunctory, I get there and we get down to business. He starts giving me head and is pretty good at it. A real positive. We go at it for a bit and he wants me to fuck him. He gets a condom and some lube and he's on his back. I line up my cock and start fucking him. He makes these weird whimpering noises that throw me off. It reminded me of the sound that dogs make when they are crying. After a bit of that, I was really disinterested in the fuck and my dick was reacting to it the same way. I pulled out and took off the condom, threw it on his chest and started back at him. I was at least a bit harder without the plastic. He let me but asked me to stop. I was OK with that and he said he wanted to blow me. I figured why not, and let him suck my dick. He did a good job and I eventually blew it down his throat. After I finished, I played with his balls while he came. Washed up and on my way out the door he asks me if I want to come back. I told he had my number and left. He probably went back through his email to realize I never gave it to him.

Lewis Part 2 -

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Lewis Cums Back - Part 1

It was too good for a single post. Lewis and I have been chatting online since he left town. Its kinda weird to imagine the two of us together. I'm a thirty something suit and tie yuppie and he's a young black kid that people would look at as a thug. There's a mixes of class, race and age. We couldn't be from more different environments. It doesn't matter. I don't look at him like that cause he's not about that at all. He's actually really sweet and down to earth when he isn't pretending to be something else. And some may say I'm not exactly what I seem to be either. He doesn't look at me like I'm some daddy. I think that's why our connection worked. No presumptions about what we were supposed to be portraying. Instead we were two guys that like to fuck like there was no tomorrow. So I'm glad to see him. Enough so, that I drove to the place he's staying to pick him up and drive him back so we can fuck. So I pick him up. He looks great. I'm talking really fucking good.

He's in the car and I start to rub his leg and feel his cock. I unzip his pants and start feeling his cock. He doesn't say a word. But he gets hard. I pull his cock and start stroking his cock. Feeling his head. Pulling the foreskin back and forth over the head. Feeling the pre-cum leak out. It's not enough to be feeling his cock. I have to see it. I pull it out of the jeans and start stroking it as we are driving down the expressway. As we whiz past the other cars and trucks, I have one eye on the road, one eye on the his hot cock. I have to pace this cause I sense he's close to coming. I can't have any of that. I don;t want him cumming before we really start to play plus I don't want his boys all over my leather seats or the dash. Plus, I'm ready to pound his ass and we're in the car still. Detour. We're not going to my house. I don't think I can take the extra time. I want to be in his hot ass. My bare cock penetrating deep inside him. Spreading his ass wall apart. I hope my office is clear. Even if it isn't, I'll shut the door and tell him to be quiet as a church mouse. People in the office or not, I'm going to fuck him there.

A rant and a tease: You can cum in my ...but no kissing

First the rant, what is with these boys. It's ok to cum in my mouth or my ass but I DON'T KISS. Seriously, does kissing a guy make you more gay than sucking his dick til he blows his load down your mouth. I'm going with the being a cum swallowing slut being more gay. How about taking my cock up your ass without a condom until I shoot my wad deep up your poop shoot or kissing a guy. Again, going with the boy being bred. I just don't get it. Plus kissing makes it so much hotter. What am I missing. Someone fill me in cause it doesn't make any fucking sense.

Second, I'm writing up a post about the return of Lewis. You may recall, he was the dude I first wrote about when I started my blog. Since our first few encounters, he moved out-of-state. Fortunately he returned to town and loves Windy City over here. Details of our how raw fuck and a first for him tomorrow.

Red, give some red

Every once in awhile I have this incredible mood hit me for a red head. And I have it red fever right now. I have been thinking about a real fire crotch with those red, almost orange pubes, with the milky white skin and the ultra pink nipples, head and ass. It's hard to find a hot ass red head but if you are out there, hit me up.

Meeting up again with UofC boy

U of C boy and I make plans to meet up. We both have stuff going on so we make it for late of a Saturday. I am really looking forward to it cause he turns me on. I just love skinny twink guys. Plus he's so smooth, with his sinewy muscles, and his boyish looks, I can beat off to the thought of our first adventure. He doesn't disappoint. I arrive at his pad and we listen to music and talk for a bit before getting down to things. He kisses me this time. Not the hot passionate kissing that I like but it's a start. I eat out his armpits, suck on his nipples and kiss down to his cock. I suck him off for a bit. He likes getting head but I am not going to let him cum this early so I stop. I lift his cute little ass up and lick from his balls to his hole. I then stick my tongue in and start eating his man/boy hole out. He loves getting his ass eaten as much as I love eating it. He has it nice and clean so I can go to town on it. Licking, penetrating, making out with his tight pink shit. After about 20 minutes, I am so hard and oozing pre-cum that I have to fuck him. He puts me on my back and lines up my cock and slowly sits on my cock. I let him get used to it and control the action. Once I see he's comfortable I switch things up and put him on his back. I love looking into a guys face when fucking. Watching the eyes roll and the face contort. I like that almost as much as looking at his cock load up with pre-cum as well as me going in and out. After a bit, he asks me to fuck him doggy-style. He wants me to cum inside him, with a condom on, so it's not as hot as if he wanted my raw seed, but I'm loving it. The good thing about doggy is that I can really bang his tight little ass. I start giving it to him. He fucking loves it and lets me know how much he wants it. He can't take it anymore, we've been fucking for about 30 minutes in total and his ass is sore so he asks me to stop. I do and lay down on his bed. He gets up over me and we start jacking. He is telling me how much he wants to see me cum. I keep stroking until I blow my load all over my chest. He then takes some cum and tastes it while stoking his cock, blowing his load all over me. We laid in bed for a bit chatting and learning a bit more about him. He fascinates me because I don't get him. Not at all. But I know one thing I am getting and that is his tail.

Craziest shit ever

Saw this ad on CL and it was completely f'd up, kinky and unlike anything I've seen on CL or anywhere else for that matter. I responded just to find out how freaky this dude is but he didn't get back to me. All I can say is WOW! You judge for yourself:

Make me a vegetable salad (Chicago)

You up for this? If you can suck my cock while doing it A+++

Quick Hit - Test Results!!!

It is always a scary moment when you are waiting to get your HIV test results. Especially when the guy says have you done anything that would put you at risk since your last test. Yeah, if I hadn't why would I be here. But unlike previous times, there was no lecture for not always using condoms. Much to my surprise, he actually gave a tip about making sure that there is enough lube as the friction can cause tiny tears in the head of the penis. Anyhow, for those of you out there that want to know, the results were "non-reactive" which means negative but they can't say negative.

Waiter Boy

The Mexican waiter boy texts me to have sex again. I wasn't all that interested in doing it so I told him I was busy now. He gets back to me and says that's cool, when am I free. I told him later. He responds back that he has to work but he might be able to fuck me at work. Well, now I am interested. The no kiss, no suck BS won't be an issue this is a fuck and run. He lets me know the details that he and the bartender have to get there early to set up. The bartender never comes back to the kitchen area and as long as we are done by 4:30, 4:45, we'll be all good. So I get to the area of the restaurant close to 3:45. He tells me to come around back and lets me in through the back kitchen door. We find a spot that is secluded but allows us to know in advance what is going on. He undoes his pants but tells me not to take mine off in case something goes wrong. Makes sense. I undo mine and I am semi hard so I start rubbing on his ass. He hands me a condom and I put it on, spit on my cock and his ass and push in. He gasps really loud cause it's a bit dry and probably hurt a bit. I spit down on my cock hoping to get some extra lube there and and push forward. I am fucking him aggressively from the start as we need to blow and go. He should be quieter than he is but I keep tapping his hot little Mexican ass. I am really giving it to him hard, I can feel my boys edging. We start really making too much noise but fortunately the bartender doesn't give a shit. I feel it coming and I blow my load. He starts jacking furiously as I stay in him and fuck a little slower. he shoots his load and I pull out. He wasn't as clean as he should have been so I am actually glad we had a condom. Did I just say that? He shows me the back door and I take off. I know one thing for sure, I will never eat in that filthy restaurant.