Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Bi-Boi and Me continued

We have been talking and texting since.  But everything seems different.  I can hear it in his voice, I can read it in his text messages.  He keeps telling me that I am making this into a bigger deal than it is.  But I know him and know myself.  I feel it.  But I want him so I keep the line of communication open.  He is going through a lot.  His family is all over him now about things.  He essentially came out to them and that was not something he had planned.  I am trying to be supportive of him.  He needs the emotional support.  But it is challenging.  He sounds like a different person now.  He is not as easy going.  You can feel that he is troubled. The crying is hard to deal with.  The emotional swings as well.  And the sex.  Yikes, has it gone down hill.  Obviously, the anal took a back seat.  But it all was not there.  The kissing felt pressured.  The sex was quite honestly pedestrian.  When we started fucking again, I brought condoms with me.  I never do that. But I did for him.  We used them and he even said we didn't have to.  He wanted me to know that he trusted me. It was nice to hear but he didn't mean it.

Then it really started to change.  For the first time ever, we were fighting.  Bickering with each other.  It was stupid but how can you stop it.  He kept saying he wanted things to be like they used to be.  You can't stay in a box.  Things change and you need to move forward.  He struggled with it.  Bi-boi now is insisting that he loves me.  I know better.  He's confused and troubled at the moment.  Love is not born of this.  I really think that he is starting to realize that he might be gay.  He is definitely confused and I know one thing, I am not helping things.  I am a crutch but I am also a big part of the issue.  He doesn't know what he wants or needs.  Not that I know what he wants or needs; but I do know that I have been through a lot of this and quite honestly need to be more of a man and step up or step aside. My thoughts are step aside.  He needs to figure this out for himself.  He doesn't need me.  He just doesn't realize that yet.  But I do. The question is whether or not I can let him go. 

1 comment:

  1. That's tough. I mean, it does sound like it's a better idea to walk away sot that he can concentrate on himself, but that could mean that one more source of support is taken away...